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Pros and Cons of Adopting More than One Child at Once

 

Each family must look at themselves and their resources in making the decision.  If cost savings is your primary reason, most families I interviewed did not save much money by adopting two at once.  You can take the adoption tax credit for both, but depending on how much taxes you pay, you may not be able to use the full credit within the specified time limit, and many employers do not double their adoption benefit when two are adopted at the same time.  Before you decide, visit in person with families who have adopted more than one at the same time and ask lots of questions.

 

                       Pros                                                Cons

More quickly reach family size you want. This is especially helpful for older parents.

Each child deserves to be the center of his parent’s attention for at least 9 months, and some child development experts recommend 2-3 years.

Some parents report that that having another child going through the same thing at the same time helps the children adjust.

Each child deserves to establish himself in the home as an individual not as member of a group.

The children will have a built in playmate and will have someone from his birth country with whom to identify.

It is very difficult to not compare children of similar ages with each other. Even if parents are determined to not do this, teachers, friends and perhaps most importantly the children themselves compare. This is especially difficult for a child who may not be as good as his brother athletically, academically, or socially. A few months difference in age can make a big difference developmentally.

Saves money on home study, dossier preparation, travel, post placement reports, and some times on agency fee.

It is a huge adjustment in time, laundry, and cooking for parents to add two kids at once.  This much change can make the adjustment to parenting much rougher than necessary.

More efficient use of time since you only do the paperwork once.

The emotional needs of two children who are both adjusting to the change of everything they know can overwhelm the family.

Two children coming into the home at the same time may reduce sibling rivalry since neither child is displacing the other child’s position in the family.

It is harder for parents to establish a special relationship with each child as an individual.

Don’t have to worry about what to do with the 1st child when you travel to adopt the second.

Adoption agencies report that they see more disruptions in families adopting more than one unrelated child at the same time, possibly because one child is easier, and therefore seems better than the other.

Some families, especially when one parent is planning on staying at home, argue that adopting two at once is not much different from adopting only one but putting her in daycare for 8+ hours a day.

Parents will have two college tuitions at the same time.

These kids need homes, and it is better for the child to be adopted, even if two are adopted at the same time, rather than remain in an orphanage.

If the children are in the same grade, they will have to explain often that they are not twins and that they are adopted.  Some kids don’t want to stand out as different.

 

 


 
 
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