I’ve been busy lately—too busy. Work has been interesting and fun, but researching and preparing for this series of shows on disposing of unused embryos created through IVF added on top of re-doing the website has made for days that begin too early and end too late. And then because I’m not a person who knows her limits and takes an unhealthy pride in “getting a lot done”, I decided to re-work my flower beds.

In fairness to me, I didn’t really decide to do a major overhaul- I was the victim of logic. You know the drill: if I dig up a perennials from one bed, I have to plant them in another bed. As long as I’m moving to another bed, I might as well move a few plants in that bed that are looking puny and try to fill in the blank spaces. And since I’m digging up the dirt anyway, it is only logical to amend the soil while I’m there. And you know, this plant is too finicky, and I’m not much for pampering prima dona plants, so as long as I’m at the nursery, I probably should look for a replacement. And before I knew it, my car port was filled with plants lined up smartly in their black non biodegradable pots, and my every spare moment was filled with yard work. I like to work in the yard, but after a couple of 18 hour weekends and after work gardening, the fun was gone, and I was kicking myself for my stupidity and inability to set limits.

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This time last year I was in Guatemala researching what would happen to the children if international adoptions ceased. I spent two weeks in that beautiful, troubled country, and I concluded that things would be bad for kids, very bad, if international adoptions stopped. Upon my return, I preached to anyone who would listen that although we needed to reform the Guatemala international adoption system, we needed reforms that would focus on the best interest of kids, not the best interest of adults, be they adoption attorneys, politicians, birth families or adoptive families. Sadly, this is not happening in Guatemala, and Vietnam is right behind.

From what I’m hearing from the people I interviewed in Guatemala, orphanages and hogars are being asked to take more and more children of all ages. As international adoptions have become more politicized, the best interest of the children has receded into the distant background. Politicians and bureaucrats are pandering for votes and covering their butts. Guatemalan adoption attorneys and some US adoption agencies that have lost their substantial incomes are stirring the pot, while failing to acknowledge the role they played in getting us to this point. The Guatemalan, and some American, media are sensationalizing. All the while, the grinding poverty continues and the orphanages are filling.

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OK, those of you who have read this blog, or my book, or heard me speak will know that I’m really not one to be overly sensitive to slightly inappropriate or less than perfect language when talking about adoption. My basic belief is that most slips are made from ignorance, not bias, so we do more harm than good when we take easy offense. Maybe I’m laid back, or maybe I’m just too busy, or more likely too lazy, but I figure life’s too short to go looking for reasons to get upset. But even I took offense to NBC and the Today Show classifying an adoptive mother as a non-mom.

You may have heard about the brouhaha, but in case not, I’ll fill you in. NBC and Teleflora ran a contest for Mother’s Day titled America’s Favorite Mom. People vote for their favorite contestant and a big monetary prize was awarded on Mother’s Day. There were various categories of moms, including single moms, working moms, military mom, etc. One category was titled “the non-mom mom” and included a mother through adoption. Now that got my dander up.

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I get the question a lot about which form of adoption is best: international adoption or domestic.  International and domestic adoption appeal to different people for different reasons.  Neither is inherently better than the other, although one or the other may be better for you.  I hate the competition that sometimes surfaces between proponents of either domestic or international adoption, with each side attempting to scare prospective families away from the other choice.  Anytime a family finds a child and a child finds a family, regardless if that child is from Beijing or Boston, the world is a better place.

Private domestic adoption, domestic foster care adoption, and international adoption are completely different systems with different rules and requirements.  Each system appeals to different people and each system has different requirements that may exclude some potential parents.  For example, older parents or single parents are usually not chosen as readily by birth mothers/first mothers so they might opt for either foster care or international adoption.  Some families might not be able to handle the uncertainties of the foster-to-adopt program, while others might view this as the safest way to see if an older child fits well into the family. 

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