Comments on: Snips and Snails vs. Sugar and Spice: Gender Preferences in Adoption

By: Dina

Dina — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 13:54:14 +0000

Hi Dawn, I LOVE your podcast. Thank you so much for being such an inspiration and source of wisdom for me! I read this article with great interest, because I would prefer to adopt girls, while my husband wants a boy. So we might go for a mixed couple (we are both flexible though).

I find it interesting that you quote someone as saying society finds it more acceptable to spoil a girl. I don’t have that impression at all. On the contrary, I find mothers of boys are way more lenient with them, and society seems to think that is okay. If a boy shows wild behaviour that is accepted as part of being a boy. A girl is scolded for the same behaviour. Mothers of girls seem to expect them to do chores much earlier than boys. IF boys are expected to do any chores at all, they are often paid for them, whereas girls are expected to do them for free.

These observations are supported by research by the way (I read this a while ago though). Mothers of boys were more lenient in the studies: They reacted faster if their male baby started to cry and stuck less rigidly to feeding times. Girls were scolded for behaviours, boys could display without being scolded and so on and so forth.

I totally agree with you on everyone is different though. I think, how boys and girls behave has more to do with personality than gender – plus the (sub-)cultures they grow up in.

By: Chris

Chris — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 20:39:45 +0000

Interesting. I hadn’t realized the difference b/w birth preferences and adoption preferences. We have two kids, a boy and a girl and we love them both so much. We have said that we’ll take whatever gender God brings us through adoption though if true choice be told – my husband (who is likely to get his wish) leans a little toward boy and I lean a little toward girl – but the preferences are mild b/c we see the joys of both children regardless of gender.

By: welovethechildren

welovethechildren — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 15:53:32 +0000

Yes.. I do def want another boy.. they are easier to raise and not as emotional in the pre teen and teen years.. and also with being young adults too.. I am an older mom , married and have 5 by adoption and 3 by birth. So, if we adopt again.. we want a boy for sure!

By: Linda

Linda — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 21:03:30 +0000

I am in the minority here! I am a single woman, who always wanted boys. When I tried to get pregnant, I always imagined I would have a girl (not sure why) but when I went to adopt, i was open to either gender, knowing I would likely have a boy. And I was VERY happy when I was referred a boy from Guatemala and LOVE having a boy. I dreaded having to play Barbie and worry about a 5 year old wanting make up. I was a “tomboy” and love sports. I know a girl might not have wanted to play Barbie, but I really wanted a boy. If I can ever afford to adopt again, I would probably adopt another boy!

By: Amanda

Amanda — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 04:04:39 +0000

We have three bio boys, ages 9, 6 and 3. They are the dearst, cutest things on earth. I always thought I’d have girls, but was blessed with boys. Now, I see little girls and think they are cute, but not as adorable as little boys–something about that whiny girl talk turns me off. We hope to adopt, and I would be fine with a boy. Do I think they are more tiring? Yes. But I also think we need strong boys who grow into strong men and lead their families, especially in the minority community. Girls tend to be good mothers and stick with their kids regardless–dads are more iffy, so I view it as more helpful to adopt a boy.

By: Heather

Heather — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 14:23:40 +0000

We are trying to adopt for the third time and are hoping for a girl this time around. Initially we were asked to foster our oldest son and had already completed the paperwork to begin a Guatemalan adoption. Since we were placed with a foster son and they were to share a room we chose a boy from Guatemala. Now I would love to add a girl or really two girls. To me two boys close in age (they are 6 mo apart) and two girls close in age (up to two years aprt) seems ideal so that when they grow up they can more easily relate to each other. Also I do feel that in general girls maintain closer relationships with their parents than boys do once they have their own family. So, that my perspective.

By: Erin

Erin — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 15:11:47 +0000

Great post. Agree with the various theories you considered. Couple other thoughts: 1. Autism is more prevalent in males 2. Many adoptive parents are older and perhaps feel they have less energy to parent a stereotypical toddler/young boy.

By: Mimi

Mimi — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 19:40:44 +0000

We noticed that the waiting period for getting matched with a baby girl is way longer than a baby boy and we just wanted to give a baby a home so we decided to be open to both and be suprised (we knew it would most likely be a baby boy) and we were blessed with a referral of a cute 2 month old boy. He will soon turn 5 and we just recently adopted a little brother for him who just turned 1. It was interesting because some of our friends were suprised that we would adopt another boy and kept saying things like ” you don’t want a girl? why didn’t you choose a girl?”. The truth is if the wait time was shorter I might have considered it but we love our boy to death and now I have some experience with all the boy toys so why not get him a brother for life.

By: Lisa RM

Lisa RM — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 16:38:28 +0000

Great post.

By: Lisa RM

Lisa RM — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 16:37:28 +0000

Great post. I had always wanted a girl, but can’t imagine one now that I have my son. I think you’re spot on about the “scary minority male” factor, though.