Comments on: So You’re Infertile, Why Not Just Adopt?

By: Dawn

Dawn — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 13:25:39 +0000

jc, I’m glad you are able to see others pain even though you would feel differently if faced with this disease. Empathy is a gift!

By: jc

jc — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 20:16:53 +0000

It is SO weird/foreign to me watching women writhe in agony over trying to have kids. I have absolutely NO desire whatsoever to be a parent and just cannot for the life of me figure out why other people want kids so desperately. I am sorry to see so many people in pain though I swear I’ll never understand all the fuss.

By: Dawn

Dawn — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 12:25:01 +0000

Lejla, is your opinion the same for a woman who waited to start her family until she found the right guy to be her children’s father? Or the couple who started trying when they were much younger, but had to save for years before being able to afford infertility treatment, and now find themselves too old for fertility treatment to work? Or how about the woman who suffers from primary ovarian insufficiency where her ovaries stop functioning prematurely? My only point is that there are many reasons why people are “old” and trying to have a baby, and not all of them spent their fertile years traveling and living the carefree life.

By: Lejla

Lejla — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 12:12:47 +0000

actually sorry, these people shouldn’t be able to adopt either.

By: Lejla

Lejla — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 12:10:41 +0000

I think couples who put their careers, travelling and generally being carefree should adopt. I saw quite a few ads asking for egg donations because they want to have children but are simply too old. They put their phd’s etc ahead of children and now can’t have any… I think they’ll be hard pressed to find a woman who would give them her egg so that they can create a child that is biologically hers without her thinking ‘well hold on a moment, they put everything before children, obviously that was the last thing on their list of priorities, so my child will mean less than their careers etc’ no way i would ever donate to people like that. Should have thought about kids earlier.

By: Maria

Maria — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 17:05:58 +0000

Regarding the poem posted by KellyAnne, it’s just as offensive as the “just adopt” remarks. Who are you to say you as an infertile person will be “better” as a mother than someone who conceived easily? How do you know they did not suffer in other ways before becoming a parent? How can you say that they don’t also appreciate the miracle that is their children? Just as they don’t know your experiences, you don’t know theirs, and it is a HUGE assumption to make that a short road to conception = taking your child for granted, not being appreciative, not having empathy or being “careless with their love.”

By: Heidi

Heidi — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 21:09:46 +0000

I love the phrase: “why don’t you just adopt”? Unbelievable. We have been trying to adopt for 2 years with no success yet. The frustration, heartbreak, and anxiety we have been thru during all this process is near impossible to explain to those that aren’t in this position. Besides which, we have been hoping to have a family for 8 years before that–so it feels like a much longer process to us now. We looked into the Oregon foster care system and were told that “we are not in the adoption business!”. It was like being slapped in the face.

I am so tired of people making comments about things they have no experience with!

By: Laura Chang

Laura Chang — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 00:14:55 +0000

What I have to say will probably make this whole blog go up in flames. But I will say what I need to say:

It is wrong to point the finger at any group of people, such as “infertiles” and tell them its their personal responsibility to take in children who need homes. Fertile people are just as capable of adopting as infertile. Infertile people did not create all those children in orphanages all over the world.

It is wrong for a young woman to get pregnant, knowing she cannot support that child, and then just expect a rich couple to come along, and take her child and raise it. This is the perfect example of an entitlement complex.

Right or wrong, many people desire to have a biological, genetic child. If they are willing and able to raise that child, its wrong to tell them they should not spend their money on fertility medicine. It is their money, their body, and their right to give create a family.

By: WS23

WS23 — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 16:00:12 +0000

My husband and I have been trying to adopt for over five years. We started out by taking two older boys that were kicked out of their foster home at 18. We decided after they boys were on their feet that we wanted to adopt an infant. We tried the foster care route. That system is the most corrupt system on the planet. We fostered two infants and were lied to about both of them during the entire time we fostered. We were told that we would be able to adopt them, and infact the workers knew that that was 99% not the case.

During the same time that we were fostering the infants we talked to a social worker that had worked with our boys when they were younger. She told us that in our state healthy children are often never adopted. The state keep them as long as possible and intentionally do it for profit for the state. When I look back on our journey I can honestly say I totally believe it.

We have since found an agency and have been in the process for nearly two years. I also find this system to be a huge disappointment. We feel like many birth families look at profiles and choose the wealthiest people they can find. In two years we have never been matched, and when I told our worker my feelings she agreed with me. Recently we decided that the whole process was about $$ and we just have kind of moved on with life. I hate the fact that we have everything to offer a child, and the system has deprived several children from a wonderful life because of greed.

Finally, I would like to add that I hate it when people say “just adopt”. It usually sends me into a rant about how it would be freaking great if we could just adopt.

By: Billy

Billy — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 20:44:22 +0000

Here from the Creme.
What a beautiful post, well said.