Comments on: So You’re Infertile, Why Not Just Adopt?

By: WS23

WS23 — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 16:00:12 +0000

My husband and I have been trying to adopt for over five years. We started out by taking two older boys that were kicked out of their foster home at 18. We decided after they boys were on their feet that we wanted to adopt an infant. We tried the foster care route. That system is the most corrupt system on the planet. We fostered two infants and were lied to about both of them during the entire time we fostered. We were told that we would be able to adopt them, and infact the workers knew that that was 99% not the case.

During the same time that we were fostering the infants we talked to a social worker that had worked with our boys when they were younger. She told us that in our state healthy children are often never adopted. The state keep them as long as possible and intentionally do it for profit for the state. When I look back on our journey I can honestly say I totally believe it.

We have since found an agency and have been in the process for nearly two years. I also find this system to be a huge disappointment. We feel like many birth families look at profiles and choose the wealthiest people they can find. In two years we have never been matched, and when I told our worker my feelings she agreed with me. Recently we decided that the whole process was about $$ and we just have kind of moved on with life. I hate the fact that we have everything to offer a child, and the system has deprived several children from a wonderful life because of greed.

Finally, I would like to add that I hate it when people say “just adopt”. It usually sends me into a rant about how it would be freaking great if we could just adopt.

By: Billy

Billy — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 20:44:22 +0000

Here from the Creme.
What a beautiful post, well said.

By: Vivie

Vivie — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 08:17:38 +0000

Because my husband and his family think blood is everything. Because I want to have a child that is the mix of my and my husband’s genes.

By: Cheyenne

Cheyenne — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 15:26:53 +0000

That’s what people don’t get. for some of us, adoption just isn’t an option. We wish it could be, but it isn’t. Thanks for explaining this.

By: wmf

wmf — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 16:56:30 +0000

Thank you for this.

By: eva L.

eva L. — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 11:56:09 +0000

We get this question all the time, especially from DHs siblings and cousins. Like there is no difference, like all types of kids are interchangeable. I heard it over the holidays twice. I want to scream or spit at them. I’m going to print this out for the next family dinner and have it in my pocket to hand out to the nosy busybodies.

By: Lut C.

Lut C. — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 20:05:16 +0000

Popping in from the crème de la crème list.

It still needs lots of repeating, this message.

By: K

Sat, 09 Jan 2010 22:51:07 +0000

Here from Creme de la creme. Beautifully stated. Adoption is a personal choice and not to mention it is very expensive and complicated to adopt. It’s not as simple as “just adopt”.

By: AK

AK — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 18:34:47 +0000

Thank you for this insightful post. I have printed it off to send with our Christmas cards this year. I’m serious, but I won’t include it with all of them. LOL Just those people in our life and family that need to hear it.

By: Dawn

Dawn — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 18:48:21 +0000

Amanda, I’m glad you have certainty and know what is right for you. However, I don’t think you can extroplate your beliefs to “most Americans”. For plenty of us, genetics simply doesn’t play a big role in our desire to parent. We want to experience parenting regardless of whether we are genetically related to the child. Not sure this has anything to do with a void in our culture. Maybe it’s just a desire or need to partake in the joys and less than joys of parenting.