Is the surogate the mother or is she? She’s likely to feel that the surogate delivered her child for her. To her DNA is everything. From a scientific standpoint she’s right but would those of you who are raising a child from another woman’s egg feel differently? Do you view the surogate as the real mother? Is motherhood solely based on intent? Or who paid who?

Does dna make a family? Of course it does. Would you ever have sex with your sibling or any blood relative willingly? While it would be gross for siblings to hook up in an adopted family, everyone knows that the only reason its gross is because they were raised in the same house as brother and sister. Had one of them been adopted by another family it would be completely ok for them to date. There are people who we are naturally suppose to exclude from the pool of potential mates. In order to do that we need to know what our immediate relatives look like. If you do not know what they look like there is a very good chance that you’d gravitate towards family members that you “have so much in common with”

There’s a lot more than siblings to consider, there are first cousins, aunts, uncles, the anonymous mother and grandparents to avoid in the sexual sense. I personally new a woman that had to tell her adopted son he was adopted when she learned he was living with and engaged to his own aunt. His grandmother was pregnant at the same time his mother was pregnant and gave him up for adoption. The result was that he had an aunt born the same year as him, in the same city. They’d gone to the same school. The adoptive mother recognized the last name and realized how much the girl looked like her adopted son’s real mother.

That kid was angry betrayed and really grossed out at the incestuous relationship with his aunt. So now you need to think about how many siblings the babies your having are likely to have, how many cousins etc all living within 25 miles of your own homes. Don’t stop there consider the grandchildren that you will someday have and think of how many first cousins they will have living near them. It’s a real good thing that kid did not have any children with his aunt. The only reason the adoptive mother was able to stop the relationship was because she had met her son’s real mother before she adopted him. I’m just saying think about what you’ll be getting your family into and if you’ve already done it you really need to tell them sooner than later.

But the fact is more than genetics makes a mom. It takes genetics and gestation. Without both sides it is just an adoption. So the truth is the gestation mom is as much the mother as the genetic donor from a technical standpoint and more so from the social standpoint.

I just don’t think it’s that big of a deal. Two complete strangers could have a similar or even near-exact medical history. My fiance and I both have alcoholism and cancer as part of our family tree and we share the same blood type.
Genetics is way too overemphasized. Every human being has one common ancestor.

If I had annonynous DE I wouldn’t tell my child. I don’t see the point. You will already know their medical history and if you chose right, they will be more similar to you than not anyway and their ways and mannerisms will come from being raised by you. Bringing the donor DE into the picture ignores all you went through to get your child. Why bother with that?

“All babies come from an egg and a sperm.

“Eggs come from ladies, and sperm comes from men.

“Sometimes, Daddy’s sperm doesn’t work well, so a doctor takes sperm from another man and puts it with Mommy’s egg.

“Sometimes, Mommy’s eggs don’t work well, so a doctor takes eggs from another lady and puts it with Daddy’s sperm.

“That’s what happened with you. My eggs didn’t work well, so we got a doctor to put another lady’s egg with Daddy’s sperm. You were created, and the doctor put you in my belly where you grew for nine months. We were so happy when you were born!”

That’s basically it, at this point. As she gets older and wants to know more, I’ll start using terms like “genetic parent” or “egg donor”, and will offer to share information on the donor if she asks.

I only have one concern, and it’s minor: Although everyone in our family knows how she was conceived, very few of our friends do. It’s entirely possible my daughter might spill the beans down the road, either to one of our friends or our friends’ children. That will be a little awkward, yeah. But it won’t kill me, and it’s a risk I’m willing to take in the name of disclosure.