Comments on: “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Doesn’t Work for Adoptive Parenting Either

By: Ann

Ann — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 17:41:41 +0000

Thank you for shedding more light on this topic. As a prospective adoptive parent, this will be very important for us to know and practice. Great post, Dawn! http://babyadoption.wordpress.com

By: Addie

Addie — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 10:59:23 +0000

Your timing for this post is perfect. I just realized recently that my normally talkative son is not talking so much about his adoption. He is 9 so I guess he’s on target to start internally processing things. I had decided to not bring up the subject again until he did, but I guess I’ll throw it out sometimes just to let him know that I’m open to talk if he wants to. Thanks for your post and your timing.

By: Dawn

Dawn — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 22:31:17 +0000

Angela, so well said!!

By: Dawn

Dawn — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 22:29:29 +0000

I couldn’t agree more. Thanks for sharing it from the adoptee’s position. How can a child talk about a subject unless they have information and they know they have a receptive audience.

By: 윤선

윤선 — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 07:27:19 +0000

I think it’s really important for parents to bring the topic up. Not all the time, obviously, but sometimes. As an adoptee, I rarely brought the topic up, yet I had all these things bottled up in my head (see my blog for proof of that! LOL). There was all this stuff going around the blogosphere a couple of months ago, when an AP made a post that said parents should wait for their kids to bring the subject up. I totally disagree with this. Like I said to him, I think that’s waiting for something to be made from nothing. It’s a parent’s job to lead, not just sit around and wait for their kids to do it.

By: Angela

Angela — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 13:33:10 +0000

Great post- thank you! We’ve been talking to our 7 yr old about her adoption for years, and it’s been one of her favorite stories, and it’s always been a sweet time when we’d talk about traveling to China to meet her and about how she grew in another woman’s tummy. So this year on her gotcha day we were blindsided, when she became very sad, and cried for two days about her birth mom, and her grief about not ever knowing her. We’ve always been open about her adoption, but I found our daughter was trying to protect us in her own way, from her grief. We’re just continuing to be open to her and talking with her about it whenever she wants. My lesson learned from this experience is that this is much more complicated than just telling our simple adoption story, and our daughter’s grief and loss gets lost in the mix when we want to focus on our elation and joy at being her parents. And we have to acknowledge her loss and honor it, as much as we relish our own joy. Thank you again Dawn.

By: Dawn

Dawn — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 11:34:56 +0000

Sara, I’ve never read it. I will now.

By: Sara

Sara — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 21:07:30 +0000

I am reading George Burns’ book “Gracie: A Love Story.” George and Gracie adopted their two kids in the 1930s. He talks about how they made sure to talk to the kids about adoption. They even brought the kids back to the adoption agency to meet the woman who ran it. I don’t know if George and Gracie were being progressive or just aware that, with thier fame, there was no way to keep the adoptions secret. Its a touching part of the book.

By: Dawn

Dawn — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 10:57:07 +0000

Thank you so much for saying it better than I did. Our job as parents is to bring it up and then respect their decision on where the conversation goes.

By: andy

andy — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 22:14:33 +0000

Awesome post! As a grown up adoptee, this is so very true! I had the best relationship with my mom, she was open to talk about adoption but NEVER brought it up, so it made me feel like I shouldn’t bring it up, even when I wanted to.