Comments on: The Family Bed

By: Dawn

Dawn — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 23:56:03 +0000

I think it is absolutely doable. In fact, a number of parents take that approach especially when the child is used to co-sleeping. If you would prefer to avoid the family bed, you could try having your child sleep in the same room but not in the same bed. This isn’t, however, the same from an attachment standpoint. Congrats and good luck.

By: Christy

Christy — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 20:58:17 +0000

Very brave and interesting article. Both of our kids have slept well in their own beds since birth. I am aware that adopting a child from Korea who may have been co-sleeping with foster parents may mean that we try co-sleeping for a short period of time for attachment purposes. We’re not sure about this yet but we’re looking into it and learning about it. We do know that we plan to transition our child into his/her own bed within a few months of coming home. I’d love to hear any thoughts on this.

By: Dawn

Dawn — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 20:42:56 +0000

I believe there are lots and lots of ways to raise healthy, happy families (parents AND kids) and that people need to make decisions based on their family’s unique needs (taking into account the needs of all individuals) and their family’s unique values (and I think parenting adults need to get on the same page). For us, that’s co-sleeping. It meshes with our values, our needs and so far it’s made for a healthy, happy family. I always tell new parents, make your decisions based on what YOUR heart tells you (with an eye to child development) and then honest to goodness, you can find an expert to tell you that you’re doing it right. Whether people go to Weissbluth or to Sears for their advice, it’s all about doing what works for YOUR family and to heck with the rest of ‘em!

By: Sara

Sara — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 18:15:59 +0000

Really great example with the car seat! I’m all for loving cuddle time and being there for nightmares or illness. However, I find that our bedroom is our sanctuary from the craziness of day-to-day life. I wouldn’t want to lose the intimacy and privacy that we have in our space. When the kids are older, they’ll demand privacy too. Being lovingly firm about separate beds has been a huge help for us!

By: KidsEatFreePlaces

KidsEatFreePlaces — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 00:50:13 +0000

You did a great job tackling a difficult subject!

By: amanda Lyte

amanda Lyte — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 05:41:57 +0000

Thanks for the food for thought. We have been struggling alone with deciding what is right for our family and for our child and for our marriage. This has been really helpful in showing us that we can be good parents whatever we decide. Don’t know what that will be yet. Just wish it were easier.

By: familyof3

familyof3 — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 09:45:32 +0000

I wish I had read this 3 years ago when our daughter arrived. I told myself that I was choosing to co-sleep, but we honestly couldn’t get her to bed any other way without her crying. It seemed that this was the best choice for our family and I liked that it promoted bonding for all of us. But 3 years later we are still doing it. My husband sleep almost every night on the couch. I think it has affected us as a couple and it is very hard to find time to be intimate. (as you put it) She really fights any other sleeping arrangement and now we will have another child soon. I can’t imagine 2 kids in bed with us -or rather me, since my husband has given up. I will say that wathching her sleep beside me bring a smile to my face if I’m not to tired to notice.

By: Heather Cole

Heather Cole — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 15:25:01 +0000

I can attest to the sleeping with mommy and daddy issue right after adoption/fostering, especially when they are infants. My daughter was 10 mos old and had stopped crying or responding to anything from neglect. And putting her in a crib (where she literally spent the first 10 mos of her life in the Home), though it was in our home, was like putting her through some sort of torture ritual. The only act that healed that pain from neglect in a bed was sleeping with me, naps and bedtimes, for the first two years of her life with us. She is now 6 and goes to bed by herself, sleeps all night, and doesn’t complain about it but is secure in it. Those two years seemed long at the time, but it produced a healthy, sleeping child in the end!

By: Mary @ Parenting

Mary @ Parenting — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 02:13:34 +0000

I totally agree. We actually do co-sleep very happily but we planned to do so in advance and we have a plan for when and how to move Elizabeth to her own bed. For the moment she easily goes to bed (and stays there) around 6:30 or 7pm. I found the Healthy Sleep Habits book by Dr Weissbluth extremely helpful in establishing a good bedtime routine and in navigating the few inevitable bumps we've had along the way. The key for us is that what we do needs to result in the entire family being well-rested (and better rested than if we were in separate rooms). I'm kind of worried that Elizabeth may start crawling (a trigger for when we want to phase out our family bed) before we stop nursing, which will mean a lot more night waking for me!

By: Dawn

Dawn — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 15:26:58 +0000

Well said, Gang’s Momma. The key is to know that you have a choice and that it is possible to get your kids to sleep in a mutually satisfying way. There are times when choosing to have your child or children sleep with you makes sense for your family-both child and parents. It can be a long term or short term choice.

I loved the concept of seasons in parenting. I’ve been thinking a lot about that as my children age and at times I intensely miss the previous parenting season. I may borrow the term for an upcoming blog.