I, because I am not adopted, will never totally ‘get’ all of the issues of loss and person-hood that can affect adopted children, but I can listen, and I can respect, not only what they feel, but their right to feel that way. And if, as the adoptive person that assisted with this post states, those feelings have nothing to do with how they feel about their adoptive parents, or how ‘good’ we are as parents, then I don’t see where we are at cross-purposes.

However, unless someone has gone through infertility and had their body fail them in the most basic way, neither can they ‘get’ the emotions of loss and betrayal that come with it, and I believe that we should be accorded the same rights and respects in respect to our feelings.

Some days its hard to have confidence in ourselves because we haven’t been given a chance to be parents yet because of infertility. It just seems like we must be so careful on how we word things. For example, I am so careful about trying to use all the correct adoption language and terms, but sometimes I make a mistake and I was harshly corrected by someone this week. This article and our experiences are enough to make me wonder if we should even continue trying to adopt. My husband and I know that we won’t be perfect parents, but we do want to love and make a difference in the life of a child.

Also, this week I was told by an agency that I needed counseling because I said that I was uncomfortable with some of the behavior with the boys in our neighborhood, especially 2 boys. We saw one boy beat up a much smaller boy in the neighborhood and I saw another boy lurking around the side of our house at night with a toy gun. I was told that this is perfectly normal behavior and that this agency would never consider placing a boy with us because of my unrealistic views of what is normal for boys. Its really hard, because my husband and are really trying are best and we just seem to be told we are wrong all the time.

“Nothing my adoptive parents did caused me to feel this way, but the mindset instilled in me at a very young age that people who love you will leave you…”

…and what is and isn’t about me. Sometimes the best I can do is just love them and abide with them as they deal with growing up and growing up adopted.

Great find.

I have 2 children that were adopted through the county 2008 and 2009. They are both considered “special needs”. I would like to know if you have any information on the adoption credit/refund on a case like this. How would you fill out the forms if they request expenses but no expenses were paid? Can anybody give me any info? Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!