It is not up to adoptive parents to “fix” their child’s birth mother or birth father. That is not what most want or expect.
They do, however, deserve our understanding.
Of all the members of the adoption triad (adoptee, adoptive parent, and birth parent), we hear least from birthparents. There are probably lots of reasons for this, not the least of which is shame. That was why I was particularly happy to find Jill, a really great first mom blogger at The Happiest Sad. She is funny, insightful, and one heck of a writer!
Jill placed her daughter in 2009. She now has “a career of sorts, an apartment, a car, and mental health….” and she knows way too many birth moms who can’t say the same.
Since she’s considered a “success”, social worker and adoptive parents have asked her what helped her and what can they do to help the birth mothers they care about. Ahh, the burden of success! Jill’s insight is worth reading.