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Adopting Out of Birth Order

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Highlights from this Creating a Family radio show

Should you adopt out of birth order? What risks should parents be aware of? How can adoptive parents make it easier for their children if they adopt a child older than one of their existing children? Our guest will be David Brodzinsky, Ph.D., Professor Emeritus of Clinical & Developmental Psychology at Rutgers University and currently, Research Director of the Donaldson Adoption Institute in NYC. He is internationally known for his research, training, and clinical work in the area of adoption and has published five books, including Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self.

  • There are no hard and fast rules in adoption, including whether or not to adopt our of birth order.
  • Sibling rivalry when the birth order is disrupted when adopting an older child.
  • How to handle aggressive behavior with a child is adopted and becomes the eldest displacing the former child who was the eldest.
  • Similarities between families that have a blend of children by adoption and birth and families with blended children from divorce and remarriage.
  • Techniques for easing the transition for all the children in a family when the birth order is changed by the adoption.
  • Major predictors of an adoption disruption.
  • How to help prepare children for the adoption of a sibling, especially in the adoption of an older child.
  • Adopting age child of a similar (within about 9 months) of a child already in the family. Virtual Twinning. Artificial Twinning.
  • How to minimize the difficulties with virtual twinning or creating artificial twins.
  • What age child is least affected by having his birth order disrupted?
  • What age child is most disrupted by having his birth order changed?
  • What age gap is best between children when disrupting birth order?
  • What parenting techniques can help a family successful adopt out of birth order?
  • Is it best to disrupt the birth order of the eldest or the youngest in a family?
  • Seeking help is a sign of parental strength.
  • What type of therapist should families find to help them post adoption when they find they are struggling with an older child adoption?
  • How to handle the situation when the adopted child is older in age but younger on an emotional and behavioral level?
  • What type of therapist is best able to work with families who have changed their birth order after adoption?
  • Adopting a child who has been sexually abused.
  • How to tell the difference between general sexual curiosity and behavior that is the result of sexual abuse.
  • What type of sleeping arrangements should parents use the first couple of months home when they are adopting a child who is older than other children in the family?
  • When combining children by birth and adoption is it better for the adopted child to be the eldest, the youngest, or in the middle?
  • What are the warning signs that parents need to get help with an adoption that is out of birth order?

Date: June 26, 2013

Image Credit: Crowned Photography

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Are you primarily interested in?  Infertility     Adoption
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Creating a Family and in particular your radio show has been a lifeline to me over the past 2+ years. In the privacy of my home/car I have been connected with others whose family-building has been challenged and I have had access to invaluable information from experts that have helped us make better decisions. Thank you! ~ S. Potter

Creating a Family was such a great resource for me throughout the adoption, I remember even blogging about it the first time I discovered the radio show because I was so excited! I continue to benefit from your the shows even now, one year post adoption. Thank you for the good and important work you are doing. ~ A. Oliver

I just wanted to say thank you so much for this resource, I just recently found it and I just happened to stumble upon it doing a google search.  It has been hugely helpful!!!! We've been looking into foster care and adoption and listening to the various radio shows relating to those topics have really helped us know what to do and what to expect..more  ~J. Joy

I just wanted to stop in and say a quick thank you for all the support and information you provide the adoption/infertility community... I also am a "research junkie", and your blogs & podcasts have been an invaluable source for us on our journey to grow our family. more ~ E. Meyer

I wanted to thank you for all of the wonderful things you do. We brought our beautiful baby boy home from the hospital on April 2nd. While we waited for an adoption match and then waited for his birth, your podcast and website were a continuous reminder that we were part of an amazing adoption community. It really helped us not feel alone.  ~Sarah S.

I listen to your radio shows daily on my iPod while cleaning, exercising, driving etc. I've learned so much from it, that today in the foster- adopt support group I felt like an all knowing expert, despite the fact, that I have zero experience in the field. Thank you for a wonderful resource! I am spreading the word. ~G. Longley

Thank you so much for your radio show! I was just listening to it, and it's very informative. My husband and I are in the process of adoption, so we read a lot to be able to make informed decisions. Your website is a great resource for us! ~N.M.W.

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I LOVE your show, it's the most helpful, unbiased information I’ve found about infertility and adoption and I'm so thankful for you and your organization. Keep up the fantastic work, you are changing lives. ~ Amanda

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Although you don't know us from Adam, I wanted to drop a line and thank you for the amazing info, sound advice, and encouragement you offer to adoptive and prospective adoptive parents.  We just received our pre-approval for our daughter, W, from China!  You (in book, website, blog, and podcast form) have been there every step of the way in this journey.  ~ J. & C. Morningstar

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My husband and I are parents through adoption to THE three most incredible children in the world. All via newborn domestic transracial.  I wanted to tell you how much I’ve enjoyed and benefitted from your web site.  I often refer potential adoptive parents who ask me for advice to your site. I especially enjoy your radio shows and today’s show on "Knowing When to Move from Infertility to Adoption" particularly resonated with me. ~N. Ferrari

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I have been listening to lots of your radio shows of late. Great guests and very enlightening always. Thanks so much for keeping us up with the latest.  ~ W. & M. Welch

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~ M. & L. Oakes


I just wanted to share my story since Creating a Family pod casts were so helpful to me when I was infertile. It really helped knowing I wasn't alone and could get the most updated information on my condition. I am almost 32 years old and I have been trying to get pregnant for 6 long years...more ~ J. Mendenhall

 

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